When correcting a young person is perceived as rejection: Understanding how to parent and mentor adolescents

Many young individuals avoid situations where they are expected to conform to norms or correct their behaviour. Photograph used for representational purposes only
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In recent times, aggressive behaviour, violent crimes, substance abuse, problematic internet use, and self-harm among some young adults have raised concerns among the older generation. What is happening to today’s youth? Traits such as kindness, compassion, and empathy are less valued, and attitudes of revenge, aggression and indifference seem to be gaining acceptance. A refusal to accept correction, resentment towards those who offer guidance and an increasing tendency to judge others based on personal standards have made social interactions extremely challenging. Additionally, a growing number of young people struggle to see beyond their own perspectives, causing alarm amongst older generations.

Retaliation rather than reflection

Many young individuals avoid situations where they are expected to conform to norms or correct their own behaviour. Those who attempt to guide them are often dismissed as ‘old fashioned’ or out of touch with youth culture. Persistently correcting them may even land one on their ‘hate list’, a troubling trend that reflects a resistance to constructive criticism. This inclination to retaliate rather than reflect has led to hesitation among parents and teachers when it comes to disciplining youngsters. When authority figures withdraw their efforts to correct behaviour, negative traits become deeply ingrained, leading to long-term consequences. Importantly, even if parents or other older adults want to bond with the young generation, it becomes a tough task either because the older generations do not have a new template to relate with the younger ones or because they persist in older ways of interaction, which are rejected. This again leaves a gap between the generations.

Substance abuse and more

While drug use is often linked to many issues, the conversation must go beyond substance abuse. The accessibility of drugs, and their social acceptability among peers play a significant role in influencing behaviour. While the harmful effects of drugs are undeniable, it is crucial to examine the root causes — how young people gain access to drugs, why they are drawn to them, and what factors help some resist the temptation. Instead of focusing solely on individual responsibility, responsible adults must consider environmental influences such as parental involvement, peer pressure, past traumas, social factors and systemic challenges. Addressing these broader circumstances is essential to creating a supportive framework for young people. It is also important that parents/carers are also updated about current trends in drug misuse.

What is the way forward?

To truly understand and support the younger generation, we must view their experiences through their lens, rather than solely from an adult’s perspective. It is a fact that the older generation wants to relate with youngsters to help them with socially acceptable behaviour as per already set standards. This particular gap needs to be repaired through connecting exercises with the youth. To begin with, families must create a culture of conversation that allows for respectful communication among all members, tolerates disagreements, helps reflection, engages discussions and respects opinions, with profuse appreciation and active listening. This is an effort, and parents have to find the time for such interactions. Thus conversations become the connecting point rather than correcting moments with the youth.

Secondly, adults must set an environment that is positive and nurturing, characterised by strong bonds, good role models (influencers), supportive networks, safe social spaces and responsible mentorship. This is crucial in ensuring young peoples’ safety as well as in shaping their development.

Thirdly, begin care, guidance, correction, supervision (online and offline) limit setting and encouragement early, and continue it throughout their growth, ensuring that they receive the support they need to become responsible members of the society. Correction without attachment could backfire. Careful, responsible, resourceful, and gentle but firm parenting practices will have better outcomes.

Fourthly, guide young individuals towards positive life choices by helping them identify their strengths and qualities rather than just leaving it to them to identify based on ideas from a few peers or social media.

Fifthly, invest in mentorship programmes, mental health support, and community engagement initiatives to foster and empower young minds.

Lastly, revisit and strengthen the systems that failed them during their formative years. This also means evolving developmentally appropriate but supportive systems collaborating with families, educational institutions, child protection systems, youth development programmes, mental health experts and government agencies.

(Dr. Bino Thomas is additional professor of psychiatric social work and consultant, child and adolescent mental health services, NIMHANS, Bengaluru. [email protected])